I would like to take some time to explain my passion for the Aliens and Predators movie franchises. I have watches hours upon hours upon hours of these two franchises films. To me they are the absolute pinnacle of what their media wants to represent, with the exception of AVP Requiem. They are all action packed, cinematically stimulating, humorous, terrifying and fun experiences that can be enjoyed by anyone and everyone. I am so dedicated to these movies that I had an ongoing feud with an individual for years because they had never seen AVP. Being in the presence of someone who cannot appreciate the work of art that is AVP, is such an aversion I become physically sickened by them. So, yeah I like the movies a lot. Anyone can make an award winning film. The people who vote, don’t even watch the movies half the time. You just need to hit on key topics. For instance, I could propose a movie idea involving a mentally handicapped, homosexual slave who has Aids that blows the whistle on the cattle industry and bring home 12 academy awards. Just throw in Matthew Mcconaughey and Daniel Day Lewis. That’s not art, that’s not entertainment. People want to be entertained. We want acid for blood, action, one liners, and Miniguns. Please stop reading and jump off a balcony if you don’t agree. The reasons are as follows…
Reason #1: Romance, fuck that shit.
You don’t have sappy love stories killing your blood lust. While I do appreciate a nicely placed hot bimbo in my movies, these franchises don’t go that direction with the ladies. With the exception of a very artistic sex scene in Predators 2, the movies are not sexually explicit at all. These movies perpetuate bad assdom. Bad asses don’t express love by singing songs, writing poems and buying flowers, they show their love by murdering mother fucking aliens. “Oh hey that’s nice your boyfriend bought you a sound bar for your TV, I just saved the planet from being overrun by xenomorphs.”
Reason #2: Fearless Fems.
The Alien Franchise had as its lead character, Lt Ripley, played by Sigourney Weaver. At first glance you think, “How is some skinny white woman able to elude and kill aliens that are designed to be the ultimate killer?” How I have explained this to myself, is that she has developed a respect and understanding of the xenomorph. Often times arrogance, ignorance and fear get the best of the xenomorphs victims. In Prometheus, Elizabeth Shaw exhibits these same traits of being a strong heroine. While she does express fear, she does not lose her composure and is able to perform an abortion of an alien fetus from her body and avoid the clutches of one of “The Engineers”. Lexie from AVP, climbed mountains and knew how to harness her fear into productive means. She had great instincts and was even aware enough to know that the enemy of my enemy was my friend. Through her cunning and survival skills she was able to impress a member of an elite hunter society of the Yautja. “Get away from her you Bitch!”
Reason #3: Super Testosterone.
The Predator franchise was all about the roided up bad ass. With Arnold, Apollo Creed, Jesse Ventura leading the way in the first Predator, they definitely set the tone for the series. Even the nerdy guy on the team of bad asses was jacked up. Danny Glover and even Adrien Brody were able to look like. The Aliens series had their team of ultimate bad asses in the space marines. I really did not need to type anything under this reason, I just needed to show the Predator handshake.
Reason #4: The Aliens/Xenomorphs.
The xenomorphs are genetically engineered monsters that are bred for the sole purpose to kill everything. They were designed by “The Engineers” from Prometheus to destroy the Earth’s population. They have acid for blood, deadly tail whips, a double jaw that projects out to attack, incredibly stealthy (most victims never know that a xenomorph is there), it can climb walls, possesses great physical strength and can take large amounts of physical damage. They also will take on the characteristics of their host. They are formidable at birth. The facehugger has acid for blood and can easily over power and incapacitate its desired host. Oh yeah, and the Queen Alien possesses all of the strengths and abilities of a normal adult xenomorph, but is the size of a T-Rex.
Reason #5: The Predators/Yuatja.
Are a technologically advanced alien species that has a culture based upon hunting and killing dangerous life forms. They will not attack an unarmed opponent. They have played an important role in shaping human history. AVP taught us that early human civilizations build pyramids and temples to honor the Predators and give them sacrifices so they may hunt the xenomorphs. Killing elite humans and xenomorphs is the only way for a Yuatja to advance in their society. The advanced weaponry, cloaking device, xena throwing disc thing, sweet wolverine claws, mandibles, dreadlocks and pussy faces are the defining characteristics for these ultimate killing machines.
Reason #6: The Sound Effects.
From the anxiety created from the ping of the motion sensor in aliens, the clicking noise from a predator in stalking mode, the hiss from an alien, the audio experience of one of these movies is second to none. There are so many iconic sound effects. The Prometheus siren is one of my favorites.
Reason #7: The Great Quotes.
“Get to the Chopper!” “If it bleeds we can kill it.” “Whoever wins, we lose.” “Game over man!” “Big things come from small beginnings” “Pussyface!” I use a quote from one of these movies and spaceballs every day of my life. Right after I throw a knife into someone’s chest, I can’t help but chuckle and say “Stick Around”.
Reason #8: I can’t believe that you are still reading these reasons and not watching one of these movies by now.
The movies are absolutely amazing and entertaining from beginning to end. Sober or drunk you will enjoy not having to hang onto every word they are saying and can enjoy bad ass action and seeing monstrous aliens tearing people apart. In conclusion, these movies are the greatest thing to happen to science fiction. They define the genre. If you don’t like these movies, you are just lying to yourself and are a pretentious asshole. These movies are not complex, they are simple pleasures. Oh hey, I am in the mood to relax, I think I will put in some movie where Tom Hanks has aids or McConaughey has aids, or better yet Les Miserable! Hell Fucking NO! Give me the slightly better than porn acting in a sci fi movie, and special effects!